We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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