Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
