my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
