I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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