masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize