"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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