We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
