epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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