apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
