Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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