Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
