evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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