One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
