I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize