you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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