No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
