how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
