They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
