I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
