in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
