This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
