i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
