I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
