The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
