I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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