new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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