no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize