ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
