his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
