So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
