Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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