We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
