so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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