I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
