No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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