I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
