Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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