Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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