how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
