tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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