Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize