This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
