great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
