standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
