can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
