Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
