There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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