I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He kissed a someone with a penis
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
