So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
