Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
