i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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