is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
