i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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