we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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