I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
are you so shy because you have an std?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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