Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Say something about gay babies.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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