Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
