Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We named our party play list daddy issues
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
