I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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