Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.