thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i've created a new STD.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.