You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.