Only a mothe r could love this liver
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.