I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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