i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
