I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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