Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
