Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
