Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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