I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you had me at cake vodka
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
