FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
