Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
