I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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