Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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