and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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