Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
True strength comes from lack of pants
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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