he puts the penis in happiness.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
