these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
