I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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